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10 Mind Games People Play and How to Outsmart Them

Hand holding a white chess piece and striking black king
Mind games

Human interactions are rarely straightforward. Beneath the surface of smiles and conversations lies a subtle battlefield of tactics and strategies. These metaphorical “mind games” aren’t about fun—they’re ways people seek control, influence, or validation in relationships, workplaces, and social settings.


Recognizing these games can empower you to navigate life’s complexities, avoid manipulation, and even use these strategies ethically for your benefit.


Categories of Mind Games


1. The Competitive Sabotage Game


What it is: A person undermines others’ decisions or opportunities to gain an advantage themselves.


Why it happens: Driven by envy, insecurity, or fear of competition.


Common signs: This game involves subtle discouragement masked as concern. Someone might overemphasize the downsides of a decision to sway you away from pursuing it. Interestingly, they might later act in direct contradiction to their own advice. Watch for behaviors where actions don’t align with words—they discredit opportunities but secretly pursue them themselves.


How to deal with it: Keep your plans and decisions private until they’re finalized, and rely on trusted sources for advice.

2. The Passive-Aggressive Game


What it is: Indirectly expressing anger or resentment through subtle actions instead of open communication.


Why it happens: A person avoids confrontation while still trying to exert control.


Common signs: Passive-aggressive players rarely confront issues openly but instead undermine others subtly. They might agree to help but intentionally “forget” or do it poorly. Nonverbal communication—like sarcasm, dismissive gestures, or pointed silence—often replaces direct conflict.


How to deal with it: Set boundaries and address the behavior calmly but directly, such as, “I noticed this wasn’t done as we discussed. Can we clarify expectations?”

3. The Two-Faced Friend Game

Girl in blue shirt holding phone to ear

What it is: Saying negative things about someone while secretly maintaining or forming an alliance with them.


Why it happens: To maintain social leverage or hedge bets in relationships.


Common signs: This game involves inconsistency. A person frequently switches alliances or says one thing to one group and the opposite to another. They often prioritize maintaining their image over loyalty.

How to deal with it: Avoid sharing personal details with such individuals and focus on surface-level interactions.

4. The Self-Preservation Game


What it is: Withholding information, exaggerating flaws, or creating distractions to protect one’s own interests.


Why it happens: People play this game to avoid accountability or maintain control.


Common signs: A person might deliberately omit key details or create confusion to sway decisions in their favor. They focus on protecting themselves rather than contributing openly.

How to deal with it: Ask for clarity and keep a written record of important conversations to prevent miscommunication.

Mind Games People Play on Social Media


5. The Validation Game


What it is: Posting content primarily to seek likes, comments, or shares as a measure of self-worth.


Why it happens: Social media rewards visibility, creating a cycle of external validation.


Common signs: You’ll often notice people posting highly polished, curated content that seems designed to attract attention. Captions might indirectly seek praise by highlighting achievements or lifestyle choices. A lack of engagement often results in noticeable frustration.

How to deal with it: Avoid judging others or falling into the same trap. Post for self-expression, not validation.

6. The Comparison Game


What it is: Using others’ highlight reels to benchmark personal success or happiness.


Why it happens: FOMO and the curated nature of social media make it easy to feel inadequate.


Common signs: Constant monitoring of others’ posts and feeling jealous or self-doubt. This often leads to subtle criticisms of those they envy or overcompensating with exaggerated posts of their own.

How to deal with it: Limit your social media time and focus on your achievements rather than others’.

7. The Drama Game


What it is: Escalating or creating conflicts to draw attention and boost engagement.


Why it happens: Controversy garners visibility on platforms.


Common signs: Vague, provocative posts like, “Some people just can’t mind their own business,” or public arguments designed to spark reactions. These cycles are often repetitive, alternating between victim and instigator roles.

How to deal with it: Avoid engaging in unnecessary conflicts and mute accounts that thrive on drama.

8. The Shadow Game


What it is: Monitoring someone’s activities on social media without direct interaction.


Why it happens: People want to stay informed discreetly.


Common signs: A person who never interacts with your posts but knows surprising details about your life. They reference things shared online despite not engaging.

How to deal with it: Protect your privacy by limiting who can view your posts.

9. The Guilt Game


What it is: Using guilt as a tool to manipulate others into compliance.


Why it happens: To evoke sympathy, avoid accountability, or gain control.


Common signs: Frequent phrases like, “After all I’ve done for you,” or “If you cared, you’d do this.” They frame situations to make you feel obligated.

How to deal with it: Recognize manipulation and respond with facts, not emotions. Set boundaries like, “I understand your feelings, but this isn’t something I can do.”

10. The Victim Game


What it is: Pretending to be helpless or wronged to gain attention or sympathy.


Why it happens: To deflect responsibility or attract support.


Common signs: Overdramatizing events to appear as the victim in every situation. They avoid accountability and blame others for their problems.

How to deal with it: Offer solutions rather than sympathy to discourage this behavior. For instance, “What steps do you think you could take to address this?”

Mind games are part of everyday interactions, both online and offline. Understanding these games can help you protect yourself, respond strategically, and even use them ethically for your advantage. The key is awareness—once you see the game, you hold the power to decide how to play.


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